you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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