How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
