When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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