This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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