Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
