when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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