somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Houston, we have a blender
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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