I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
