in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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