capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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