I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
