Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
