so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
