cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i will never coherently bang her
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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