I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
