whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
