Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The Olympian is in my bed
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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