just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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