I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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