So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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