I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
