I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
