im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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