Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
