All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
