No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
