woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
