but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
