And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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