I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
