Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
