I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
