You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
They have beer where we have blood.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
