Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
