i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
