It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize