What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
