Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
