you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
