I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Barsexuality is the new black.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
