I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
