Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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