i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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