I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
