What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
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So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
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I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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