I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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