He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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