we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
