i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
