is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I look better un-naked...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
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