today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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