My nipple is on Facebook.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize