The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
