Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
