I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
