hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I need to calm my uterus...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
