He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I deserve this hangover.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
